Why We Can Feel Responsible Even When We’ve Done Nothing Wrong?
What causes a person to feel guilty when they have done nothing wrong? Freud and Adler both emphasized the importance of guilt as a social and self-conscious emotion that helps humans maintain social standards. Freud believed that guilt stems from fear of authority and loss of parental love, which eventually becomes one's conscience. Adler, on the other hand, believed that guilt feelings are serious judgments of moral failures or shortcomings. Both theories contribute to understanding the complex nature of guilt and its impact on individuals.(5)(6)
Constant, unrelenting, inappropriate, misplaced, or extreme guilt may be evidence of something called a guilt complex. Some indicators of this experience may include:
frequently feeling guilty
guilt interferes with daily tasks
regular anxiousness
sleep disturbance
a fixation on the past
muscle tension
a powerful sense of remorse
false self-blame
persistent need to apologize
concentration issues (4)
Different Types of Guilt
Many of these listed experiences go hand in hand with depression or anxiety, and it may take some digging to understand your feelings and thoughts. Some of those thoughts and feelings may have a direct cause. Guilt, as a defense mechanism, is common among survivors of trauma. It may be used as a defense against feeling helpless. Guilt doesn’t feel very good, but it may feel better than feeling helpless. Guilt about thoughts is a common defense mechanism for people who have thoughts that they would never act on. “I am worried that my thoughts make me a bad person, and other people will discover what I am thinking.” (4)(1)(2)
Guilt, as a projection from another person, is common when you are blamed for something you didn’t do or when someone expresses their disappointment in you. These occurrences can weigh you down until you eventually give in to the negativity and believe you are somehow responsible. Reactive guilt may form when there is a negative outcome to something. This may be a helpful motivator for change, but may also lead to fixating on the past and not being able to move past feeling guilty. This is especially true for existential guilt, where we feel guilt for something we didn’t do, but the unjust suffering of others locally, or all over the world, awakens a sense of personal responsibility. (4)(1)(2)
Recognize Why You Are Feeling Guilty
Can you tell that you are feeling guilt? Acknowledge it. Put words to it. This offers clarity, which makes it easier to let go of and easier to verbalize to a trusted other person (which is helpful to do). Guilty feelings come from you. Can you see your emotions through a logical lens? Sorting out what you did wrong may lead to discovering you actually did nothing to feel guilty about. There are empowering ways to understand your guilt. Replace habitual self-talk with exploration-talk. Remember, feelings are not facts. You may feel guilty, but that doesn’t mean you are.
From “It’s my fault” to “How is this my fault?”
From “I hate how guilty I always feel” to “How is feeling guilty so often serving me? What is it doing for me?”
From obsession over past mistakes to focusing positively on possible change to try in the future that avoids the same mistake twice. (1)(2)(3)(4)
Emotional Validation
Guilt is a completely normal part of living. How would your experiences with guilt be different if you refused to see it as a problem that needs to be solved, or if you didn’t demand it to be gone? What would your experience with guilt be like if you found personal willingness to accept that you are not infallible? What if you allowed your brain to see guilt as playing a helpful role in your life? Automatic self-judgment may overshadow your ability to validate emotions, particularly if you tend to “people-please”( at the cost of yourself, others are validated). The act of validating your emotions takes memory power and practice. Remind yourself that you are equal to other people, you get to make your own choices on how to live, and conflict is not your enemy (even if it is pretty uncomfortable). (1)(2)(3)(4)
Time to Address Low Self-esteem
It is certainly not easy to find the things occurring in our lives that are sucking the energy out of us. When daily guilt is plaguing you, your self-esteem takes a major hit. Did you know that the role of guilt is to prompt you to align yourself with your values (not to shame you)? Compassion can help. How would you talk to your best friend if they had inappropriate guilt? You would probably tell them to take it easy on themself because you know of their inherent worth. You have this worth. It should be noted that compassion and acknowledgment of one's worth is not about removing responsibility where it is due, about forgetting that something happened, or about giving excuses (it’s actually compassionate to be honest). It's about the valuable truth that you are human. You are of worth. You are not all good, or all bad: both exist in you. You can forgive yourself. Compassion sheds light on the darkness of guilt. Improving your ability to have self-compassion can increase your self-esteem because you will be kinder to yourself and accept yourself more habitually. (3)(4)(7)
Conclusion
While guilt is a normal human emotion, it can become overwhelming when misplaced or persistent. Learning to identify the source of your guilt, challenge negative self-talk, and embrace self-compassion are important steps toward letting go of unnecessary guilt. By addressing guilt through emotional validation and focusing on self-esteem, you can begin to move forward with a clearer mind and a healthier outlook. If guilt continues to affect your daily life, seeking professional support can provide the guidance needed to break free from its hold.
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy. We offer in-person and online remote therapy sessions. Contact us today to change the way you feel.