8 Characteristics of Unhealthy or Abusive Relationships
All relationships exist on a spectrum from healthy to abusive, with unhealthy in between. Knowing the signs of an unhealthy relationship is important for your mental, emotional and physical well-being. Don’t misinterpret anger, violence, or control as expressions of love. These behaviors are not healthy and are unsafe.
Healthy relationships are with both partners communicating, mutually respectful, trusting and supporting, non-threatening behavior, shared power, equal, enjoying personal time away from each other, making mutual choices and economic/financial freedom and partnership. Healthy relationships allow for individuality, invites growth in the partner, does not try to control the partner and believes in equality.
An unhealthy relationship might involve a power imbalance of control, hostility, being mean, dishonesty, disrespect, dependence, ignoring boundaries or pressuring one person to do things they aren’t comfortable with physical, sexual violence, possessiveness. Unhealthy relationships are also when a partner is; not communicating, disrespectful, not trusting, dishonest, trying to take control, pressured into activities, unequal economically. It is also frequently playing power games, looking to others for self-worth, needing others to feel secure and happy.
Abusive relationships are about power and control and occur when one partner has almost complete control of the other, is communicating in a hurtful or threatening way, mistreating, accusing the other of cheating when it’s untrue, denying their actions are abusive, controlling, isolating their partner from others. Abuse is a pattern of behavior that happens more than once.
Unhealthy relationship characteristics: Behaviors based on Power and Control
Abuse: Physical abuse; throwing things at you, hitting, kicking, pushing, or hurting you in anyway. Sexual abuse: forcing your partner to do anything sexual, from kissing to having sex. When you don’t consent to sexual activity, it is considered sexual assault or rape, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Emotional, verbal and psychological abuse; being extremely jealous, picking fights with you, screaming or yelling at you, putting you down, calling you names, dishonesty, Reproductive control: pressuring your partner to get pregnant, end a pregnancy, lying about birth control or other controlling decisions about pregnancy and parenting. Financial abuse: not wanting you to work or keeping you from going to work, controlling how you spend your money. Stalking: tracking what you do online or who you call or text.
Isolation; controlling who you see, what you do, and limiting your access to family and friends, deleting contacts from your phone.
Intimidation; making you afraid by using looks, actions and gestures. Destroying your property or harming loved ones (children or pets).
Minimizing, Denying and Blaming; blaming you for the abuse “if you wouldn't," “I wouldn't hit you.” Denies abuse is taking place, minimizes extent of abuse.
Using Technology; Demanding passwords to online accounts. Texting/calling you constantly. Monitoring your social network sites. Using tracking systems; GPS to monitor your activity.
Economic Abuse; Controlling how you spend your money. Have you pay his/her bills.
Gender Privilege: Treating you like you are inferior to them, making the big decisions, requires rigid gender roles.
Coercion and Threats; making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you. Threatening to leave, commit suicide, making you do illegal activities, forcing you to drink alcohol or use illicit drugs.
Healthy relationship characteristics: Behaviors based on Equality
Trust and Support: Supporting your goals life
Respect: listening to you nonjudgmentally, being affirming, understanding
Honesty and Accountability: accepts responsibility for self, being truthful
Independence: taking time alone when you need it, giving each other room to breathe.
Shared Responsibility: mutually agreeing on roles not based on gender or their way.
Negotiation and Fairness: seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict, compromise
Intimacy: respecting each other's limits with intimacy, caring about one another's feelings.
Non-threatening behavior: behaviors make you feel safe
If you are in an unhealthy relationship, know that everyone deserves to be in a relationship where both people feel safe and are respected, trusted, and loved. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. Tell an adult friend that you feel safe with. Make a safety plan. When you break up with an abusive partner, having a safety plan is important. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) to get support and advice. If you feel that you might be abusive, recognize your behavior as unhealthy. Talk to a trusted professional and get help.
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy. We offer in-person and online remote therapy sessions. Contact us today to change the way you feel.