Let’s Talk About Unprocessed Emotions
Has this ever occurred to you? Your mind is empty, nothing is happening, and out of nowhere, you burst into tears? Or have you ever started crying for "no" reason? If you have, you are not alone.
We can put a brave face on the outside, and hide from others any number of emotions happening inside us, but when those emotions escape in the form of crying "seemingly out of no where", that's a lot harder to hide. It is more than just inconvenient. It can be down right confusing.
When you hear the phrase unprocessed emotions, it is often in reference to feelings that a person has not fully acknowledged, understood, or dealt with. Essentially, it suggests that we still carry the emotional weight of experiences well after we have experienced them. Or sometimes, we are more affected by events than we initially realize.
Think back to times of loss or disappointment. Not every time these things were experienced did you have the luxury/experience/willingness to think about how these events affected you. You may have had a heartbreak, but you had to focus on moving homes. Or lost a loved one, but had to "be strong" and plan the funeral and arrange the affairs of the deceased. You likely have experienced some life complications while switching jobs, having babies, or finishing school. We can't always deal with stuff when it happens.
But these things build up. A relatable illustration is: when a tire has a small leak, air will gradually escape through that opening because the pressure inside the tire is higher than the surrounding air pressure. The same thing happens with built up, unprocessed emotions. When the pressure inside is greater than the outside, the pressure escapes through the weakest spot (perhaps when alone or when trying to sleep) for seemingly "no" reason. Talk about being blind sided.
Keep in mind...
Unprocessed emotions are different than "pangs" of grief, which similarly come without warning, but are sudden waves of sadness or longing related to a specific loss. These are expected parts of loss. Unprocessed emotions can include any kind of unexpressed feeling like sadness, anger, fear, or anxiety among others.
When our unprocessed emotions make their way from the inside to the outside, there are ways to face and ease the pains of the past in the moment. No part of processing emotions is very comfortable. The following two ideas can help, but keep in mind, it takes work.
Write it out
Sometimes, we can figure out where a sudden burst of emotion comes from. Sometimes, we can't. When you don't know what the heck is going on, explore your past. Write out some recent things that made you sad or angry or worried. Explore what thoughts you may have had in those moments or what you believe about those specific emotions (i.e. do you believe anger is wrong? Or that sadness is weakness?). Be objective about your perceptions of the event, and validating of emotions that present as a result. Use "I" statements in your writing for clarity " I feel worried." Accept and release things you have no control of. Probably the most important part of writing it out, is not to judge or censor what you write. This needs to be a completely unfiltered process.
Find ways to relax
This may call for an exploration outside of your tried and true methods of relaxation, if how you relax is a perpetuation of emotional numbing. Process addictions such as gambling, shopping, porn, or eating, and substance addiction, do not aid in facing and easing unprocessed emotions. Some ideas that work well with processing old emotions are Yoga or other mindful ways of moving your body in the moment. Sitting still, and listening to your breath can call to attention tension in your muscles. Maybe your shoulders are up, or your foot is doing that anxious bouncy thing. In the moment, mindfully practicing stillness can allow for clarity behind emotional reactions that "come out of the blue."
Prevention
Being proactive can be a strategy to prevent buildup of unprocessed emotion. We have all heard a good defense is a good offense, but what does a good offense look like with emotions?
Identify Triggers and remind yourself of them:
Recognize situations or people that tend to trigger strong emotions in you or that you know you struggle to see objectively.
Express Yourself:
Find healthy outlets to express your emotions (talking to a trusted friend, yelling in your car, tell yourself the word for what you feel). Creativity in art, music, or dance can say things words can't sometimes, so think outside the box with this one. Helpful, feel-good hormones are released with physical exercise, so allow some of your bodies natural properties to do their job.
Validate Truth and Feelings:
Accept your emotions as valid and understandable, and avoid trying to minimize them. Feelings are not facts, so sometimes we may need to challenge them. We can see our emotions as understandable responses at the same time as seeing our responses as something we may need to control better.
Seek Professional Help:
If you struggle to manage your emotions on your own, consider therapy with a trained counselor to learn coping mechanisms and address underlying issues.
Crying for "no" reason is just one way unprocessed emotions escape the pressures from inside. The next time you find yourself tearful, unexpectedly agitated, weary of your surroundings, or some other uncomfortable emotion, seemingly out of no where, consider these ideas to healthily guide you through the discomfort.
https://www.healthline.com/health/i-cant-stop-crying#causes
https://www.pacesconnection.com/blog/how-to-release-emotions-stuck-in-your-body
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy. We offer in-person and online remote therapy sessions. Contact us today to change the way you feel.