7 Ways To Keep Love Alive During Social Distancing
While it is great to spend more time together as a couple, the stay-at-home order and mandatory work-from-home can pose challenges to relationship functioning. Here are 7 specific suggestions for couples navigating their love life during these difficult times of social distancing.
1. Communicate your connection needs with your partner.
Communication is one of the most commonly held “end-all, be-all” answers to relationship functioning, but people might not always know what are the most important things to communicate in a relationship. Everyone has attachment needs, a need to feel connected in a relationship. This begins with parent-child attachment and morphs into attachment needs within a relationship. Here the recommendation is to let your partner know what you need from them emotionally. If you feel hurt by them, feel like you want to be close to them or are feeling a little insecure, you should let your partner know in a way that invites their reassuring responsiveness to those attachment and emotional needs.
2. Communicate your independence needs with your partner.
The principle of “balance” applies to relationships as well. It is vital to have a good connection with your partner, but you also need “me-time”. Work schedules have naturally fulfilled this purpose, but with those drastic changes, it will be more up to you to let your partner know when you need a break or just me time. It does not mean you do not love them or want to spend time with them, it just means you need to recharge your emotional battery to give them the “best” you- the one they deserve!
3. Don’t take your stress out on your partner.
It is good to open up to your partner let them know about the things that are stressing you out, but try not to take out those stresses on them indirectly. This suggestion comes with its opposite- don’t take your partner’s stress personal. This is a stressful time for all, but let each other know what you are stressed out about so that you minimize it being taken personally.
4. Be a good listener.
Many times feeling heard and understood will do more for relationship issues than trying to “fix” something. Demonstrate your empathy for your partner by giving them your undivided attention, rephrasing back what you heard and inviting more detail (showing them that what they are saying matters to you). Validate their experience! You would be surprised at what you can accomplish when you follow those steps to improve your listening skills within your relationship.
5. Take control of your own emotional regulation.
First, you need to be more aware of what goes on for you and how you react emotionally to different things. When you are talking about an emotionally reactive experience, ask your partner for a break, when you get too overwhelmed by emotion (whether it be anger, frustration, or anxiety) and go and do something self-soothing- something that calms you down. You might need to take some time to figure out some things you can do to calm yourself down first.
6. Improve your intimacy together.
This not only includes sex, but social, physical, spiritual and emotional intimacy as well. The most important thing to do here is to communicate to each other your intimacy needs (in whichever realm) and talk about how your partner can help fulfill those needs. Invite your partner to do the same to have a balanced relationship system. For a more detailed explanation of each area of intimacy, refer to this post explaining each of the five areas of intimacy.
7. Be patient with each and yourself.
Understand that with tensions higher and with prolonged time together it becomes more easy for partners to lose their temper with each other. It’s okay to disagree and it is normal to have conflict, you just need to make sure you have a good system for resolving conflict. But give yourselves extra “wiggle room” in regards to mistakes and emotional reactions. You will get through this together!
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy.
As an ‘essential service’ during the COVID-19 outbreak, we are offering in-person and online remote therapy sessions. We are committed to providing you with accessible, consistent and safe ways to obtain mental health services during this difficult time.
Contact us today to discuss your options.