4 Steps For Sharing Your Hurt Feelings
During conversations with a friend, loved one, or co-worker it’s possible that they may act or behave in a manner that could have disrespected or hurt you personally. It could have appeared innocent to others, however the action negatively impacted you. There are a few steps to consider when speaking to others when your feelings are hurt.
1.Slow Down and Breathe
We may encounter situations that would take us by surprise, not knowing how we currently feel about what occurred. To understand why you are upset, you must make sure you slow yourself down. It’s important to fully grasp the situation in order to respond, not react. Reacting to hurt feelings often times translates to intense reactions and can lead to messy interpretations of why the situation is impacting you. Allow yourself a few moments to recollect yourself. Digest what is happening, inspect how you are currently feeling, and figure out what to do next. This slowing down does not have to be within the time the situation occurred. If needed, take fifteen to thirty minutes to process for yourself.
2. Explain It To Yourself
Alright, you recollected with yourself. Now can be the time to dive into what affected you in the situation:
- What comments hurt your feelings?
- What gestures disrespected you?
- What action made you uncomfortable?
These questions are not to find the bad guy. The inspection of the incident is to help you define what feelings are impacting you. Understanding the situation will help you realize what is important to you. Knowing what you value also helps in clarifying what your needs are from the other person. So let’s break it down:
- What bothered you in the situation?
- What feelings occurred for you?
- What do you need met in future interactions and possible solutions?
3. What You Decide To Do
You have now grasped the situation and have garnered the reason(s) why it has affected you. The next step is to decide whether to share these feelings or not. Often, people will do things that may upset us without them even knowing. It is your decision whether you feel comfortable sharing your feelings. Sharing with others is being vulnerable to them which can be scary. Remember, it is alright to walk away from an uncomfortable situation to recollect yourself. You will have to decide whether sharing your feelings is the right choice for yourself.
4. Share Your Thoughts
In this step, you have decided you are comfortable enough to share what’s been on your mind. Find a place and time you can calmly explain to them about the situation and your feelings. Remember how you broke it down in step #3. The same concept applies here. Explain your perspective of the situation, how you felt when the incident happened, what you wanted to happen in the instance and possible solutions going forward. Again, it is not to blame or fix the behaviors of the other person. It is to share your feelings with them as you decided it was important to share what you felt and need from them.
Sharing feelings can be difficult when you have no idea where to start. It can be intimidating to even verbalize them to the outside world. Give yourself the time to recognize your own genuine feelings. Our needs are important just like anyone else’s.
Roubicek & Thacker Counseling is Fresno’s premier provider of individual, couples, family, and group therapy. We offer in-person and online remote therapy sessions. Contact us today to change the way you feel.